Tuesday, January 29, 2008

connecting with old friends

a few months ago i received a random message on myspace from one of my childhood friends. i hadn't heard back from her until a few days ago and then tonight. i didn't realize how much i've missed her. she was one of my best friends from the time i could remember when i was little and then the man she eventually married was my best friend in high school. it was so much fun to hear from her and to see the pictures of their kids.

sometimes time passes and we simply lose touch with those we love and sometimes we just have to let go and never return to see those friendships again, but when those we love the most come back it's like time has never passed.

shay and jeff i've missed you both so much and thank god that we've reconnected!!!

where is god leading?

this last fall i had the opportunity to interview with a great church in the chicago area for a position of the lifetime but the timing wasn't right. i had just bought my house, brendan was just born, and i was about 4 classes from finishing school. well i'm in chicago today and realizing that it doesn't take that long to drive here so i started all of the what ifs...

i texted my friend at this church to say i was in town but only for a few hours (that story is for another post) and mentioned that life is good but i'm still looking for a job. come to find out this position still isn't filled. i have no idea what that means or if they would ever be interested in me again.

so my question is how do i know where god is leading me? life feels good in GR. i love seeing brendan throughout the week and kissing his little face all the time. but, could i still be a good aunt and sister in another state only 3 hours away? could i sell my house? could i live and survive with strange faces around me? i don't know but i want to be open to where god is leading...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

a sign of hope...

i know first hand that god answers prayers in his time and in his will and this week god is showing me miracles. i blogged about how i question god and sometimes even get mad at him but at the end of each day i know he is sovereign and still god. well this week i've been blessed with an amazing opportunity for a 3 month job that would allow me to pay bills again on my own and put money in the bank. of course i'm still interviewing for this job but if i get it then it could change my world. but better than changing my world it has helped to change my attitude, it has given me renewed hope. i believe in tomorrow. then as if that wasn't enough i was able to get six months of one of my meds from my doctor for FREE. seriously it was free and six months worth of it, how does this even happen.

we are only required to have faith the size of a mustard seed and these last few weeks i know my faith has been small but i had it. i thanked god for his unfailing love and blessings.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

time to be on my own

well i knew the time would come but i've fought back reality for weeks now, my parents are going home. at the end of this week it will be five months since i bought my very first house determined to live in it alone but i hate it. but for three of these months my parents have been with me here during the birth of brendan and now through the holidays but the hours are now limited. i take them to the airport tomorrow morning and most likely won't see them again until the end of april. i know that this doesn't seem like that long for most people but it's an eternity to me.

i'm finding solace in the fact that they've gotten pre-approved for a mortgage here in michigan and even found a house they like in coopersville but until everything is said and done they will still live down south.

my question is, is my faith still real if i question god why they aren't moving here now? is it okay to question god? is faith rooted more in the faith that you continue to go to god even when it hurts and you don't feel full?

update: if questioning god is okay , is it okay to be mad at him?

Friday, January 04, 2008

a new year and new changes

well the new year is already off to a roaring start and i'm still spinning about last year...
  • celebrated 5 years with my company
  • found out i was going to graduate from college finally
  • bought a house
  • lost my job
  • had a nephew born very sick
  • celebrated life
i don't share these things so that anyone feels bad for me but so that you can understand why my head is still spinning. but, this year is going to be different. things i'm looking forward to...
  • finding a new job
  • graduating from cornerstone
  • starting my masters
  • considering a major move in order to start my masters
  • finding love
  • committing myself to more biblical study
  • letting go of past hurts, mistakes, and regrets...