Friday, March 28, 2008

is risk ever worth it?

sometime i wonder if there is a value to risk and how do you decide if the risk is worth it. recently i took a major risk in life both emotionally and spiritually and as of today i don't know if it was worth it or not. my spirit felt broken into a million tiny pieces this week and if i'm honest so did my heart. the difference was i was so weak that i couldn't even go to God to pick them up. i'm grateful for family and a church that is filled with people who love me and refuse to see me give up. while many things about this situation have made my heart hurt i didn't give up and God is still God.

so as i reflect on risk and if it is ever worth it i have to say yes. if i didn't take this risk i don't know that i would have ever asked God what He was trying to teach me. i think this lessons was given to me time and time again but never asked the question. i have no idea how it will turn out, if my heart will be put back together, or if i'll one day regret taking the risk. but, as of right now i'm thankful, i'm confused, i'm hurt, i want to feel better, but mostly i know i'm blessed!

Thursday, March 20, 2008


i reacted to a few situations pretty quickly with my last post almost immediately regretted it but i can't bring myself to take it down. it's a reminder that i'm weak and that my faith is small. god has brought a great job opportunity my way and for at least the next 8 to 9 weeks i will be living my dream. god also brought a man into my life that i don't deserve but that loves me in spite of my weakness.

i used to also think that i was like job strong enough for god to allow trials to be thrown my way and because of my faith and love for him i would make it. i guess i realize more that i'm like peter. there are moments in life that i honestly believe i could walk on water but i look down and give up more often then looking towards him to save me. i've been on this journey for what seems like a long time and i'm not sure how much i've learned, but i know it's not over and i'm not ready to give up no matter how many times i look down...

Sunday, March 09, 2008

be cautious

things are usually not what they appear to be...