Sunday, July 16, 2006

living as a bi-racial person

i have had so many conversations about the color of my skin, my eyes, and the parents that i've come from and still don't know what it means to be bi-racial. i always feel like i end up somehow defending who i am and why i'm proud of that. i mean i always tell people that i'm mexican and well i am but i don't always say that i'm half white as well. why?

i think that part of it is that i don't have to explain the white part but it does make up half of me and comes from one of my best friends, my mom. she is strong, independent, intelligent, puts up with every bit of crap i've ever given, and loves unconditionally. but then there is this part of me that is different the part of me that came from my dad and from my grandparents that gives my brown skin, thick brown hair, and a passion to fight for other mexican's. obviously i know that i couldn't be me without the other but why do i always sway one way?

today for instance someone at the Y made a comment about how i was so incredibly tan (and yes i just came back from palm springs where i only laid out 3 times and i did go to the beach yesterday so i have more color than just 3 weeks ago) and that i must be laying out at the beach every day. i could have just taken this from her smiled and walked away, but instead i said "well i am 1/2 mexican". so again i have this obvious defense about me, but why?

maybe it is my need to be different or to not fit the mold, but i just can't shake the feeling that is has to be more than that. once i cut my hair off people would ask me if i was 1/2 black and white, or other mexicans would ask me why i had mexican skin and white people eyes. so for me i have always had to explain who i was and until now it has always been about my race.

on the other hand i have had people say well you don't look mexican (considering i live in michigan during the winter my skin is lighter, america for the record that is just how it works) but what they don't realize is that regardless of what they think i look like i still am mexican. or i've had people say "i'm colored blind so i don't even see your color" okay if you are anyone who isn't white you have probably heard this and hate it as much as i do. if you are someone who has ever said this you have officially become an extremely ignorant person. if you don't see our color then you are blind "not color blind", i'm not ashamed of the color of my skin so please don't act like it is a bad thing.

i don't have the answers to the whole bi-racial issues, but i can say that i learn more everyday, i'm proud of both of my parents for loving each other regardless of what their families said, and i think that in the book of revelation talks about all tribes and tongues will come together, it will finally understand how and why god cared enough to make us different!

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