Tuesday, June 20, 2006

dependance on god

4 months ago i was given this amazing opportunity to speak at a camp for senior high students. while i've been in youth ministry a long time i haven't traveled to speak to young people, much less kids that i've never met. regardless i said yes and have been praying about what i share ever since.

* i leave in 5 days and still haven't finished my messages or handouts and i'm not quite sure what that means.
* does it mean i have nothing to say? does it mean that god doesn't want me to go or even that he isn't speaking to me?
* could it mean that i haven't found that total dependence on god yet?

whatever it means i'm ready to face it. i called a good friend in l.a. today and he offered some great advice. i will say that i trust timothy since he is a trusted friend, preacher, and gifted speaker. when i told him that i was nervous and not finished he said two things:

* if i was nervous then i wasn't trusting in god enough and relying on myself to much
* if i would commit my time and talk to him then the nervousness will go away and leave room for god to show up

it isn't always easy for me to release my hold on something that i care about but he was right, i do need to let go and let god show up. for some of these young people this is their last chance before they get locked up and if i'm honest i can't be the one to save them.

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