I hate when I realize how I’ve failed god, and yes that is strong language but it’s true. But at the same time I love the fact that I’ve finally recognized it. I’ve been trying to find my joy my happiness in things that without a doubt were wrong. For instance when something goes wrong at work I’m instantly sad and depressed like I’ve failed at life and assume that it means I’m not good that I don’t know what I’m doing (okay that part may be a little true sometimes). But what isn’t true is my job will never make me happy or at least it can’t be the source of my happiness. Neither can my friends or my family because just like my job I’m left disappointed at some point in our journey.
Last night was one of those moments that I realized my happiness has been misguided for years. It is such a freeing place to be and I can’t help but smile and enjoy the lesson I finally learned. Do I think it will be easy? No. But at least now I have the foundation to come back to.
I heard someone say once that when she started looking for her joy in her husband and not her heavenly father she knew that their relationship was in trouble. So for right now I’m going to practice finding joy in him that created me and finds joy in me learning from Him.
Shalom
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