good and the bad

it's been so long since i've posted i feel as if i almost forgot how to. well here it goes...

the last week has literally been one of the most stressful i've ever had. my brother and his wife of 7 months found out they were expecting their first child on new years day. this news alone should have set my heart on fire, but it didn't, well not right away. as days passed by i began getting excited more and more. you see the 3 of us live is a 3 story historic house and their apartment is below mine so i knew i would get to play a huge part in the baby's life.

but then it happened, last friday i came home from work to find out that sue started spotting and continued spotting for the next 2 days. the doctors weren't totally alarmed but we were and wanted answers now. this week she had here blood drawn twice and got back okay news some even called it good news but not great. then yesterday she and tony went to the doctors and had their first ultrasound and got the great news we prayed for. sue was 6 weeks and 5 day yesterday and the baby had a very strong 116 heart rate (which is perfect for how far along she is). but when they called to tell me the news i cried like a baby.

since friday i prayed faithfully that this baby was perfect, that it was growing, and that it would be part of our family in another 8 months or so. but yesterday i was listening to a song that said "He know my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear i cry"...then goes on to say..."I was fearfully and wonderfully made"...which i believe with every piece of my person. but yesterday i began praying out of fear, i prayed out of doubt, and i believed that maybe our prayers were not enough.

then i thought but if Psalm 139 is correct then every day is already accounted for with this child so do my prayers even need to happen. i questioned if we even needed the hundred's of people i petitioned to pray alongside of us even need to pray for this child. but it it struck me, my prayers, our prayers for this baby were counted before our own conceptions as well. one of the reasons that god made me was to come upon this week and pray feverishly that against all odd this baby "our new baby" will continue to bring joy to our lives.

thank you Jesus.