christmas in review

this christmas was different for our family. first we have a new memeber of the family, tony and sue's little guy brendan cole who has stolen all of our hearts. never did we think that this is where we would be as a family three months ago after he was born.

it was also different for me because i didn't ask for anything, okay i said a pair of house shoes and flannel pj's from old navy (although i didn't get either). i'm not sure if it's because i haven't worked and i'm struggling so much in life and financially right now but i didn't want people to feel obligated to buy me anything this year. my family god bless them surprised me in ways that i can't explain. you see i love kirk franklin and he has a new cd out this year call "the fight of your life" and i heard him talking about how this year has just been hard on people. i also heard people talking about how it wasn't a great cd but i didn't care, his music inspires me and i got it and love it already.

brendan well actually tony and sue totally took me by surprise with a huge blow up of this picture brendan and i took a month or so ago for our family pictures. we took them for my mom but i never expected it and it has to be one of the best gifts i've ever been given. i love that little boy so much and i'm so honored that god picked me to be one of his aunts.

i was given so many other gifts all of which i didn't ask for but that mean so much to me and will help me out in my house i can't begin to go into them but suffice it to say my family is great. for the most part it was just a chill day of hanging out with the family, eating, and sleeping. i'm grateful to have them and i'm grateful for all that this season represents.

i've been praying for a christmas miracle in the form of a job and stability so for this next year i'm hoping for all new starts job, house, school, happiness....the list could go on forever.

i pray that wherever you are that you have been blessed by the gift of christ and family!

update on brendan

well all couldn't be going better for brendan he is making such great progress there are almost no words. if i hadn't seen him and held him myself i'm not sure i could have believed it. he is just the sweetest most beautiful little boy in the world but of course i'm a little biased. but when you look at him he just looks like any other baby that was just born and it seems like he doesn't really fit in at the nicu. but, all of this wouldn't even be possible if it weren't for his great treatment from the hospital and their staff. it will definitely make it harder to not like u of m but i will at least give them props and cheer for them when they're not playing state of course.

brendan you are a miracle and everyone in your family couldn't be more proud that god choose us to be part of your family and be part of watching you grow up and get big.

i love you!

i can't hardly believe it's here

since leaving zondervan i've been without a laptop. for the last three or four years i've had a company one so there was no need to have a personal one. about two or three years ago i made the big switch to mac at home so i've had a mac desktop which i love. but after a month and a half out of work and without a laptop to work anywhere but my office i made the plunge. as of last friday around 10:30 am my brand new macbook pro arrived in it's shiny black box. I LOVE IT!!!!

it's been a pain in the but to get some of files transferred over but i'm making it. it took 9 hours to get my music off my old computer but i waited and it happened and now i'll set. but, during this time of getting a new toy and looking at my old one i realized that i was hording my gifts. so after so prayer i've decided the best place for my mac desktop is with my brother. i think i stunned him when i said it was him but i know he'll appreciate it and will be able to do some of his photography and other stuff with it.

so goodbye old mac and hello macbook pro. he's to a long friendship!!!!!!

god's healing hand

my nephew is now five days old and is doing very good. he has just amazed everyone around him including mommy, daddy, our entire family, and the staff at U of M. i'm extremely excited to go and see him tomorrow. I haven't seen him since friday and he's changed so much already. until you can meet him you just have to trust me that he is the cutest little thing. now i know i'm biased but he really is with all of his black curly hair you just want to hold him and kiss him all over. that will have to wait for now but after talking to brendan's mommy yesterday he's getting closer to being able to be held. i can't wait for that first time tony and sue can hold their son.

my brother has been through a lot in his life and so has sue and they continue to set an example of what walking by faith really looks like. if you've ever wondered how god looks here on earth they are two people to look at. i couldn't be more honored to be part of that family. i hope one day i'm proven to be as strong as them.

thank you for the prayers and keep them coming.

hardest day my family's lived through

today my nephew was born into this world but he came with complications. after hours of labor and strong pushing the doctor decided my sister in-law needed a see section because the baby wasn't coming down. after waiting for what seemed like an eternity my dad came into the waiting room crying and unable to talk and said "he wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating and that baby we saw being rushed out of the delivery room and into the nicu."

as i sat there in stunned silence i'll i could think about was why. what we learned was brendan went without oxygen for five minutes or so and they had to perform cpr to get him really going. he peaked up pretty good but he's on a ventilator right now and will be for some time. that is when the gauntlet fell and the nicu doc told us that "sometime" in these types of cases babies will develop cerebral palsy and that brendan now runs this risk. he also went on to explain that u of m is one of the best in the country at a newer procedure that will lower the babies body temp and allow the brain to heal itself. brendan only met one of the four criteria to get into this program which is a good thing since that means that more isn't wrong with him.

so tonight or early this morning he was airlifted with a group of strangers to ann arbor where i know he'll receive the best care possible but it's still heart breaking. his daddy (my brother and hero) just picked my dad up for the drive down to be with his boy. the doctors seem to be happy with his progress as of now so we all have more hope.

i can't believe how much i love him already. sue did such a good job i've never been more proud of her in my life. together sue and tony have a story to tell about the goodness of god and all that he has brought them through and i believe that this is part of their store. and part of god's goodness. when you think about it please pray for brendan and for them. together our family will fight back what the devil is trying to do but god and god alone will carry us through.

i now proudly introduce you to brendan cole hinojosa
born on 9/19/2007
8:10 pm
8 lbs and 7 ounces
21.7 inches long

brendan cole hinojosa

my sister in-law went into the hospital tonight to begin her induction. so if everything goes smoothly we should all meet the newest member of our family "brendan cole hinojosa". this is a child we have prayed endlessly for and i for one can't wait to meet him.

see ya soon brendan.

life change

so much has happened since my last post. i did indeed buy a house and a little over one week after i closed i found out that i was losing my job. my job that was with a christian publisher, my job that i dreaded nearly 40 hours a week for almost six years, my job that was with a company that i've questioned their integrity for almost two years. it was gone a week later and for the last month i've tried to fill my time with everything possible.

what i wasn't expecting was the fact that i wouldn't be overly bitter, that i wouldn't miss it at all (although i miss the people terribly), and that god was using this to move me forward.

for the first time in years i feel like i have possibilities and hope. i've been interviewing for a ministry position with a very large church in the chicago area over the last few weeks. this is what i've prayed for although i'm not sure about the timing of it all (seriously i just paid my first mortgage payment), but it's an honor that they came to me and think i'm worth talking to. i've said for years that i want to be in ministry but believe had i not lost my job in the way that i did i would have never left.

life is good, i'm living life, and seeking god!

i bought a house

i bought a house!!!

our last night of youth ministry for the school year

last night we had our final youth ministry night of the school year and it ended similar to how it started with lots of giggles, boys hanging out in the back talking through and over everyone else, and anticipation of what happens next.

i've survived my first year with the madison youth group and i have to admit that there were times i didn't think i could make it but i did and i praise god because of it. i wasn't super close to many of the seniors (well at least not as much as some of the other students) but it was very emotional to say goodbye. for some of them they'll stay around gr for others they'll start working, and some will be going away from college but i realized that they have all played a part in what god's done in me over these last nine months. i've seem some of these guys grow and stumble all in one week but they've all gotten back up.

to all of you i pray god's blessings upon you, i pray that you will never feel so far that you don't come back, i pray that all of the hope, love, disappointment, joy, forgiveness, and regret that you may encounter will make you stronger, but mostly i pray that you will stand strong that you will know who you are and stand for it, and that you will come back and share your stories when the time is right.

life hasn't stopped

it's been 3 days since I got the bad news from my friend and the shock still seems as fresh as it was then. maybe i expect to much and it still should be fresh but i just look around and realize that nothing else has had to stop. the mom had to redo all of her financial papers, the kids had to go to school, life continued. doesn't having a spouse walk out on you constitute a life pause?

my brother and his wife found out on monday that they're having a boy. it was such an exciting moment to get that call and her my brother say "i'm going to have a son" and you're going to have nephew".

life didn't stop.

my mom left after a glorious visit. life didn't stop

now i'm sitting here and wish i could make it all stop even if it was just for a few minutes. even more i wish we could go back and relive and redo those moments where in the midst of joy, sorrow, and regret life didn't stop.

why would you?

i got one of those calls tonight from a close family friend who told me that her dad packed up and moved to florida with the woman he's been having an affair with. i've known about the affair for a few months but i thought they were working things out???

how could you leave?

what are we supposed to say to your kids now?

who are you to think you have the power to destroy them, to destroy us?

if you ever read this i hope you know we'll make it without you, we'll be stronger because of what you've done.

i hope you get help. i hope you know god hasn't turned from you. i hope one day you come back and reconcile yourself to your family. i hope you remember you have a family.

where u at conference

so this weekend was the "where u at" urban conference hosted by youth unlimited a great organization here in gr that serves the local church through events and training. anyway we had over 200 students attend and it was one of the best ministry experiences of my life. this was my first urban youth event and i couldn't believe how god showed up in these students lives. for so many of them there god showed up and showed out. the preaching was ridiculous not to mention the worship. one thing that just left me speechless was the student leaders that took charge and basically ran the event with a little help from their leaders.

i had the opportunity to speak to about 100 or so girls about sex and the consequences of sex outside marriage. i don't know if it will make a difference in all of their lives but i know that god spoke through me and used all that was left in me to speak to them.

but one of the highlights for me came saturday during lunch. you see at this event we played hype music and played it loud and at some point kirk franklin's "stomp" came on and we were dancing in our seats and i told one of my students that we need to do the hustle to which she said "you can't do the hustle in here". if you know me you know i don't back down so i got up when to the middle of the cafeteria (this was a huge open space) and started the hustle with another leader and by the end we had well over 100 students participating in it. and if that wasn't good enough they played it again this morning so i got up and started it again and this time we even got our preacher from the general session to do it with us!

an exciting yet strange night

tonight a group of 20 or so women got together to have dinner an small bridal shower for one of my best friends. we went to san chez and had a fantastic dinner a lot of great conversation and catching up with friends i haven't seen in a long time.

it wasn't until after the party that my night became a little stranger than normal. i had to run to the store to pick up my cousin's baby shower gift and when i was checking out my brother called and said "did you order a pizza?". now i'm thinking why would i order a pizza if i wasn't at home and just had this fantastic dinner, so i said no and that it must be a mistake. that is when he said "the pizza guy said it was for jamie and that it was already paid for". at this point i'm totally freaking out and really don't want to go home in case my crazy pizza stalker is waiting for me. i even went so far to say don't eat the pizza we don't know who it came from.

then on the drive home i felt like i would lose my mind trying to figure out who sent it so i started calling people. then it hit me there is this guy that i've dated on and off but, we really haven't gone out in six months or more but we've been talking again. so i called him and sure enough it was him. he said that he thought i would enjoy the pizza and just wanted me to have it.

how sweet is that? this isn't even the first time he's done that, he's left breakfast on my front porch early in the morning as i'm leaving for work. he is such a good guy and i really need to pray about and see if he is someone that i should date again. we didn't break up or anything because of anything bad but, because i freak out when things look like they are getting serious. crazy thing is that is exactly what i want.

god protect my family

the lord is my shepherd, i lack nothing.
he makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
he guides me along the right paths
for his name's sake
even though i walk
through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

you prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
surely your goodness and love will
follow me
all the days of my life,
and i will dwell in the house of the lord
forever.

my last night at npc

it's been a long week and i'm on day 10 but the bright side is that i'll be leaving in 2 days. i'm so excited to finally be going home and to see tony, sue, and all the kids. i miss my church and while i love being here i just haven't connected to the convention like i did last year so i'm feeling the loss of church over these last two weeks.

it was a lot of fun to have my pastor and the teaching staff from madison hear and sharing in on this experience. there is something about serving pastors that just makes everything seem worth the long hours and sleepless nights. we've had so many people come through to just thank us (all of the z staff and volunteers) for all of our work and for making them feel welcomed.

we did something very new this year and added a digital cafe where our attendees could just relax, listen to some music, and be alone. i wasn't sure how things would work but we were all pleased when it was filled daily and became a gathering place.

it will be hard to leave the warm weather and friends i have here but i'm ready. cheers to another great npc.

npc update

well i've been in san diego for a week now and i'm just finally getting a chance to sit down and catch my breath. wednesday i got here and things were a little rough for me, thursday wasn't much better but i made it through it. friday night i got to spend with the focklers (my california family).

saturday is when i thought the world was falling. somewhere around noon i got a call that grand rapids was under a blizzard and our team wasn't able to make it out (well at least not all of them). the great news is that everyone made it out here some late but made it safe. thank you jesus. sunday started about 2 hours later than we had hoped it would but we worked hard and worked together and got the job done. we even convinced our hotel staff to bring a tv to us so we could watch the super bowl. sorry bears.

monday was a long day and our team worked diligently to get all of our tasks done. i don't think everyone thought we could pull it off but we did and everything looks great. i heard from a few of our leadership folks that they thought the store looked better than it ever has. that doesn't have anything to do about me but all about our volunteers and staff memebers. yesterday was our first official day and today is our first full day. things are busy but pastors are being served. it is so nice to see familiar faces and catch up their life's happenings over the last year.

please pray for us during the last 4 days. we are excited to see what is going to happen and how god is going to move. i miss all of you.

misguided priorities

I hate when I realize how I’ve failed god, and yes that is strong language but it’s true. But at the same time I love the fact that I’ve finally recognized it. I’ve been trying to find my joy my happiness in things that without a doubt were wrong. For instance when something goes wrong at work I’m instantly sad and depressed like I’ve failed at life and assume that it means I’m not good that I don’t know what I’m doing (okay that part may be a little true sometimes). But what isn’t true is my job will never make me happy or at least it can’t be the source of my happiness. Neither can my friends or my family because just like my job I’m left disappointed at some point in our journey.

Last night was one of those moments that I realized my happiness has been misguided for years. It is such a freeing place to be and I can’t help but smile and enjoy the lesson I finally learned. Do I think it will be easy? No. But at least now I have the foundation to come back to.

I heard someone say once that when she started looking for her joy in her husband and not her heavenly father she knew that their relationship was in trouble. So for right now I’m going to practice finding joy in him that created me and finds joy in me learning from Him.

Shalom

good and the bad

it's been so long since i've posted i feel as if i almost forgot how to. well here it goes...

the last week has literally been one of the most stressful i've ever had. my brother and his wife of 7 months found out they were expecting their first child on new years day. this news alone should have set my heart on fire, but it didn't, well not right away. as days passed by i began getting excited more and more. you see the 3 of us live is a 3 story historic house and their apartment is below mine so i knew i would get to play a huge part in the baby's life.

but then it happened, last friday i came home from work to find out that sue started spotting and continued spotting for the next 2 days. the doctors weren't totally alarmed but we were and wanted answers now. this week she had here blood drawn twice and got back okay news some even called it good news but not great. then yesterday she and tony went to the doctors and had their first ultrasound and got the great news we prayed for. sue was 6 weeks and 5 day yesterday and the baby had a very strong 116 heart rate (which is perfect for how far along she is). but when they called to tell me the news i cried like a baby.

since friday i prayed faithfully that this baby was perfect, that it was growing, and that it would be part of our family in another 8 months or so. but yesterday i was listening to a song that said "He know my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear i cry"...then goes on to say..."I was fearfully and wonderfully made"...which i believe with every piece of my person. but yesterday i began praying out of fear, i prayed out of doubt, and i believed that maybe our prayers were not enough.

then i thought but if Psalm 139 is correct then every day is already accounted for with this child so do my prayers even need to happen. i questioned if we even needed the hundred's of people i petitioned to pray alongside of us even need to pray for this child. but it it struck me, my prayers, our prayers for this baby were counted before our own conceptions as well. one of the reasons that god made me was to come upon this week and pray feverishly that against all odd this baby "our new baby" will continue to bring joy to our lives.

thank you Jesus.