3rd day of camp and the injuries have begun

i only have 1 day left here only 1 talk left so i'm filled with both sadness and joy. i didn't think i would connect with these kids like i have. okay seriously who am i kidding i love to connect with people but it is always hard to say goodbye. i've heard some hard stories, and i'm not sure if it was the story or not but i even had a dream about becoming a foster parent to one of the girls. on monday i had a girl tell me that if she stopped screwing up she would go back to her mom, and if he went back to her mom she would get beat up again. what am i supposed to say to that?

well i talked this morning about sacrifice and what it actually means. i talked about moses, abraham, and the widow at the well and what they gave up out of their faith in god. then i showed the kickball (nooma) and the students were so open and really heard what rob was talking about. i wish i had a another week with these kids to really get to a place where they feel completely safe and willing to be fully here.

last night we played a great game in the dark out in the woods. i decided to be by the fire and take some pictures of the kids being cleansed so i'll post some of those here. i'll also post some of the great ones from today's game. but, while all of these games have taken place we have had to take 2 people to the hospital (1 last night for a bruised sternum and 1 today for a possible broken foot). mom and dad if you are reading this camp just isn't as safe as it used to be :)

senior high camp

well today is day 2 of camp and it has been some ride so far. it started out with me getting food poison on sat. evening (yes tony it was from chicken) so i wasn't feeling great for that 7:30 am flight sunday morning. i got here to iowa a few hours later and kinda jumped right in.

i got to meet the students late sunday. most of them have been great, a few of them have that young teenage boy smell that well only young teenage boys get. i have realized what a humbling experience this is for me. i'm not sure what god sees in me or why he is allowing me to speak to 80 students but he is.

i think this is the first time that it has really sunk in how important it is to listen to the voice of god b/c it's not just me this week. so far i've shown lump (it is a nooma video), big mamma's house, i'm going to show kickball (another nooma) tomorrow and pay it forward on thursday.

i've been told "wow that was good stuff", "i like that you don't talk forever", and "seriously tell if it hurt to get your nose pierced". as i've been praying for this week and these students i've tried to focus on reaching 1 student. i know it doens't seem like much but i figured i had to start somewhere.

i hope to post more about the week later tonight or tomorrow with pictures, but i wanted to at least get something up.

to all my girls at Z i say wat' up! seriously i miss you guys and the family and i'm more grateful for your prayers than you will ever know. blessings.

dependance on god

4 months ago i was given this amazing opportunity to speak at a camp for senior high students. while i've been in youth ministry a long time i haven't traveled to speak to young people, much less kids that i've never met. regardless i said yes and have been praying about what i share ever since.

* i leave in 5 days and still haven't finished my messages or handouts and i'm not quite sure what that means.
* does it mean i have nothing to say? does it mean that god doesn't want me to go or even that he isn't speaking to me?
* could it mean that i haven't found that total dependence on god yet?

whatever it means i'm ready to face it. i called a good friend in l.a. today and he offered some great advice. i will say that i trust timothy since he is a trusted friend, preacher, and gifted speaker. when i told him that i was nervous and not finished he said two things:

* if i was nervous then i wasn't trusting in god enough and relying on myself to much
* if i would commit my time and talk to him then the nervousness will go away and leave room for god to show up

it isn't always easy for me to release my hold on something that i care about but he was right, i do need to let go and let god show up. for some of these young people this is their last chance before they get locked up and if i'm honest i can't be the one to save them.

life today

for the last 3 years i've lived in the historic distoric of my city and my house has 3 floors and each floor is a seperate apartment. so thursday night at about 9 pm i decided that all 3 floors needed to have a yard sale on saturday moroning. so aparently that is pretty short noticed but we got together late friday night and started brining stuff out. i got up at 6 am the next morning and got the rest of my house up and ready to work. we were all set-up by 8 am and stayed open until 5 pm. it was 92 degrees out but we all made great money and decided to donate anything that didn't sell. so needless to say i feel like it was a productive weekend (tiring, but productive).

this next week is my last week in the office since then i'm off for a week to a quaker camp in iowa to speak at a senior high camp. this week i need to finalize my talks for the kids and get their hand-outs ready. i keep waiting for god to give me this super holy, spiritual, and completely divine talk, but i'm going back to what i believe i started with 3 months ago.

then i fly back from iowa and 12 hours later leave for l.a. on vacation (well at least i think i'm going). at this point i'm thinking about not going, my plane ticket was free and the condo is free so i wouldn't be out any money if i decided to not go, but if i stayed here i could go camping with the kids. if i don't go i'll be missing out on a week at the condo and what i know will be a lot of fun.

so there it is, my life as it stands today.

a much needed rest

i haven't blogged in over 2 months, not because i had nothing to say but more because i just needed some internal time to sort life out. so much has happened that i don't know where to start.

• my company bought another company (thus tons of change for me, but all change that i'm thrilled to be apart of)
• my brother married the love of his life (it took me a lot of prayers and many months to finally realize that i wasn't losing him but gaining an entire family)
• my mom and i talked opening and honestly for the first time in my adult life (god is good and we have a better relationship now then i've ever prayed for)
• i actually found a church home (in the last 2 years i new that mars hill was not for me, but i walked into madison square 4 months ago and have felt god move like never before)
• i'm actually enjoying life!